A Heart for a Heart
by cherrichan13
Summary: A HaruXRin story! I can pretty much guarantee that I am going to mess up uploading this...so, sorry!
1. Meeting Again

A Heart for a Heart

Chapter 1: Meeting Again

_I'd like to point out that I cannot write a song for my life. The lyrics are "Up Against a Wall" by Boys Like Girls. I don't own their music. Or them. don't own Fruits Basket or the characters. All characters and music belong to their original owners. More coming soon, but feedback would be great! I'd love to hear what you guys think. On with the fan fiction!!_

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I laid on my bed at the Sohma _onsen_, staring at the ceiling. The rice screen leading outside was wide open, bringing some air into the stuffy room. What was I even doing here, anyway? Hatori was once again trying to control my life, trying to give me some sense of the freedom I obviously didn't have. What good did he think this would do for me? Unless the crazy _okami _randomly blurted out the dark secret that I so desperately needed to hear, I had places to be, things to do.

"_I'm worried about you're health, Isuzu," Hatori had said. "Ever since your…__encounter__ with Akito, you haven't left this house. I think it's time you went somewhere else."_

"_That's pointless," I had snapped. "No matter where I go, I'll never be free of this place. So why even bother trying?"_

"_Isuzu," Hatori said again, his calm demeanor never fazing, "It's not healthy for you to stay locked up here. You need to go somewhere and relax. I'm sending you to the onsen."_

"_Why do you even CARE what I do?" I had screeched. "You know, you really piss me off. Just leave me alone!"_

I just wished that this whole incident had never happened. I just wished that _he _had never been a part of my life. That Akito had never found out. That I had never fallen for him. I wished that I could just…

_Not gonna think about that._

How could I be so stupid? How could I think we'd ever be able to be happy? Not a chance in hell, not as long as Akito was around. But I let myself fall for him anyway. I let myself believe that his promises were true, that he could keep me safe. A lot of good that had done me.

I sighed and closed my eyes, tired despite the fact that I hadn't left my room all day. Maybe if I could just get some sleep tonight, I'd be able to think clearly tomorrow. _At least it's quiet here._

And then the room began to vibrate as music blasted from the next room.

_It's over_

_Look out below _

_And I'm wasted _

_I still taste it_

_Yeah it's so hard to let go_

_So breathe in now_

_And breathe it out_

_The forecast_

_A car crash_

_It's looking like another…_

_Breakdown, rebound_

_This could be my last goodbye_

_You cross your heart, I hope to die_

_And I can't deny your eyes_

_You know I try to read between the lines_

_I saw a warning sign_

_And then you threw me up against the wall _

_Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?_

_I wish I had never loved at all_

I squeezed my eyes even more tightly shut, my breath rattling between clenched teeth as I tried to shut my mind to the music. Who the hell was playing the music so damn loud? This was supposed to be a quiet, peaceful place…

_No rewinds_

_No second times_

_And I won't break_

_I won't waste, everything you left behind_

_So don't follow_

_Just let it go_

_The weather's, been better_

_Don't let it be another…_

_Breakdown, rebound_

_This could be my last goodbye_

_You cross your heart, I hope to die_

_And I can't deny your eyes_

_You know I try to read between the lines_

_I saw a warning sign_

_And then you threw me up against the wall_

_Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?_

_I wished that I had never loved at all_

My teeth were grinding together now, and every muscle in my body was tense as I tried to hold in my anger. _They had better turn that music off,_ I thought to myself. _Or they're going to regret it…I don't want to listen to this…._

_All the nights you spent sitting nowhere out there on your own_

_All the nights I waited by the phone when you were going in alone_

_And all your different faces and all your different ways are making everything a mess_

_And all I'm saying is that all your different places and all the complications led to this_

_And I can't deny your eyes_

_You know I try to read between the lines_

_I saw a warning sign_

_And then you threw me up against a wall_

_Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?_

_I wished that I had never loved_

_And I can't deny your eyes_

_You know I try to read between the lines_

_I saw a warning sign_

_And then you threw me up against a wall_

_Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?_

_I wished that I had never loved at all_

_Never loved at all_

The music faded away, leaving a smoldering silence in its wake. I opened my eyes, and was surprised to find them wet. I followed the damp trails down my face with my fingers, and my anger flared up again. I rose stiffly from the bed and stomped to the rice screen leading to the hallway, throwing it open and slamming it shut behind me. I practically ran to the next room, furious with them for shattering the peace. Who the hell did they think they were, anyway? I began pounding on the wooden frame of the rice screen, trying not to break it so that I wouldn't have to deal with the crazy _okami _running the place, Ritsu's mother. The whole family was a bunch of loons.

"Yo, bastard! Just who the hell do you think you are, blasting your damn music so loud that it nearly caused me a heart attack? Why don't you come out here so that I can…"

The rice screen door slammed open, and I stopped dead in my tracks. I looked up into a pair of gray eyes, eyes that I could never forget. His white hair hung down in his face as he stared down at me. I had barely processed this and then his muscled arms were around me, and he was holding me to his chest.

"Rin, I'm so happy to see you. I've missed you."

"Haru…"


	2. Persistent

"Haru…" I said again dumbly. The whole world seemed mute and dull to me. Nothing was as real as the feeling of Haru's arms around me, holding me to his chest, his nose stuffed in my hair. I wanted nothing more than to just stand there, just like this, for the rest of my life. But then a little voice in my head interrupted my bliss, shattering it to pieces.

What if Akito is here? What if he sees you? He found out the first time, remember? It whispered in my ear, mocking me. Do you want to face him again? What if he thinks Haru is to blame?

Suddenly my panic flared up, and the fire returned to my eyes. I shoved Haru away from me, glaring at him. "What are _you_ doing here? Didn't I tell you that I didn't need you anymore? This is supposed to be _my _peaceful vacation. Did Hatori send you? Dammit, can't anybody just leave me alone?!"

Haru watched me with a calm, blank expression, his amusement given away only by the twinkle in his eyes. He could see right through my tough act. He had felt me melt into him when he had hugged me. And now he knew he had a chance. "No, Rin, Hatori didn't send me. He doesn't even know I'm here. I came with Yuki. He's been kind of stressed lately, and I was worried about him. I decided that he needed a vacation. He just went to take a dip in the hot springs."

"Lucky for Rat Boy. So, Hatori doesn't know, but does Gure-nii? Did he set this up purposefully?"

" Yeah, Senpai knows. But he didn't set it up. I don't think he knows you're here, but it's impossible to tell with Senpai. _This_ is just a wonderful coincidence." He grinned, evidently pleased with the way things were turning out. After everything that had happened, I didn't know how he managed to act so carefree.

"Maybe for you," I grumbled. I could feel my cheeks reddening, betraying me. The last person I needed to see now was Haru. If Akito saw us, he was going to get the wrong idea, and there would be consequences. I couldn't go through that again.

"So," Haru said conversationally, keeping his voice light, "how's everything been going for you?"

_Terrible. I'm lonely. _"Huh. Fine. Much better now that I don't have to deal with you. Hint, hint." I lashed back.

Haru's calm expression didn't change, but I could see a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He leaned against the door frame, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Really? Well, I wish I could say the same. I've missed having you with me, Rin."

_Me, too. _"Sucks for you," I snarled, my pain threatening to overwhelm me. Why was he doing this to me? Did he expect me to just come rushing back into his arms, willing to forget everything that I had been through because of him? Everything I had been through _for _him? It's not like I had left him because I had wanted to. I _loved_ Haru.

"So," he said again, "How long are you staying?"

_Not long enough,_ I thought. "Too long," I sighed instead. My anger had faded as quickly as it had come, and all I wanted to do know was hole up in my room. I stared at my feet, refusing to meet Haru's eyes. More than anything, I wish this had never happened. I wished that I didn't have to hurt him the way I was. I wish I didn't have to hurt myself.

"Haru," I said more quietly, "I'm sorry. I really am. We just aren't going to be together, so don't keep trying. It's not gonna do any good, because it's never gonna change."

A shadow flitted across Haru's face. He opened his mouth to say something, but he never got the chance. The _okami_ came down the hallway as fast as she could manage, a look of panic on her face, her hair sticking out in every direction. "WHAT HAPPENED?" she screamed as she ran up to us. _Us. _"ALL OF A SUDDEN, I HEARD LOTS OF WEIRD MUSIC, AND THEN THERE WERE ALL THESE BANGS, AND I'M SO SORRY!!! IT MUST HAVE BEEN SUCH A DISTURBANCE TO YOU, AND I'M SORRY! I'M SUCH A BAD OKAMI, AND I'VE MADE YOU WISH YOU HAD NEVER COME, AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SOOOOORRY!!!!!!!"

"We were fine until _you_ showed up," I muttered under my breath. Haru must have heard me, because he shot a glance in my direction, warning me that I was better off keeping my mouth shut unless I wanted to get her started again. He turned away from me then, and he gave the _okami_ a warm smile. "We're fine, _okami-_san," he told her. "I'm sorry if we disturbed you. I was the one playing the music, and the bangs that you heard were just the rice screens slamming open and shut. There is nothing for you to worry about. It was our fault, and I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."

I slipped away quietly, glad for the distraction. I needed to get away from Haru. My resistance was cracking, and he knew it. We were meant to be together. We were perfect for each other. But while the curse still loomed over our heads, and Akito's blood called out to the ancient spirits within us, we could never be. It would only end in disaster. I could only pray that someday Haru would understand that.

My vision became blurry, and I started to run from Haru and the _okami_, fighting the tears I knew were coming. This night, that song, seeing Haru… it was all too much for me. Memories sprang up unbidden in my mind; me and Haru, walking past each other at the New Year's Banquet, pretending we weren't together even as the air sparked with electricity between us; Haru kissing me for the first time; me flying out the window, more surprised than scared as the ground rushed up to meet me; the pain in Haru's face as I broke up with him, told him I didn't need him, told him he didn't matter to me anymore…I choked back a sob. I wanted nothing more than for the curse to be broken, to give us all a chance to live our own lives. Even Kyo, who wasn't even a part of the zodiac, would ever be free of the curse unless I managed the impossible. It was all hopeless.

I burst into my room, sobbing. I threw myself on the bed and stuffed my face into a pillow. I didn't want this life. For me, or for anyone. All I wanted was to be able to live a regular life on the "outside", not worrying that I would bump into a boy and randomly turn into a frickin' horse in the middle of class, not worrying I would get beat up by Akito the next time I walked "inside" the Sohma estate, not worrying that the next time I left the "inside" would be my last. All those teenagers on the outside spent their time complaining about their homework and how annoying their parents were…at least they had parents that cared about them. They were so lucky to have the lives they had, and they were wasting it.

I don't know how long I lay sobbing on my bed, but the next thing I remember was hearing someone come into my room and sit down on the bed next to me, wrapping his arms around me. I sank into Haru and cried until I at last fell asleep, still encircled by his warmth.


	3. Always

I woke up and sat up groggily, rubbing my eyes and squinting in the bright light. Even though I had had a long, peaceful sleep, I was still tired. My whole body ached. Yesterday had been such a long day. And then last night had been even longer…

_Wait…what _happened_ last night?_

I sat on my bed, my hand still raised to my face, drawing a total blank on the night before. I remembered coming to the _onsen, _seeing Haru, and running back to my room sobbing. After that, everything was black.

Until I looked up to see Haru walking out of my bathroom, his jeans slightly damp, not wearing a shirt.

I threw myself back down onto the bed, covering my face with a pillow. _Why do I even bother? _I asked myself desperately. _Apparently I can't get away from him. Not that I really want to…_

After a little while, I pulled myself together and got up off of my bed, and headed towards the bathroom, careful to keep my expression blank, not even looking at Haru. He watched me carefully, waiting patiently for my reaction to his presence in my room. He didn't get one, and he didn't offer up an explanation. I closed the door of the bathroom and locked it behind me.

If Haru wanted a reaction from me, he was going to have to wait.

I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection without really seeing it. I had no idea what to do about Haru. Of course, I knew exactly what I _wanted _to do. I _wanted _to scream, scream to the world that I loved him. That I always had. That I always would. I wanted to write it all over the stark white walls of this bathroom.

Stark white walls. Just as empty as they had been that day at the hospital. Just as empty as I had felt that first day without Haru. That horrible day when I had torn my heart to pieces, shoving Haru away from me forever, protecting him from Akito and sacrificing myself at the same time.

Suddenly the walls closed in on me, suffocating me. The blank walls, bare of any traces of Haru and me, leaving only the bitterness. The pain was threatening to blind me now. This wasn't natural, this empty pain. Haru was supposed to be here, saving me from the pain, the bitterness, the emptiness.

So why wasn't he?

I couldn't take it anymore. There was so much emptiness, pushing me further and further down, erasing me, making me nothing more than a memory to him, leaving his memory a black slate, as if I had never been a part of his life.

I panicked.

Before I could even think about what I was doing, I had unlocked the door and I was sprinting from the room, sprinting anywhere but here. I caught a glimpse of Haru as I flashed by, his face distorted with fear, the worry in his sharp gray eyes piercing through me. I tried not to think about it, pushing myself further, faster. I had to get away. I had to _do_something.

"Rin!" Haru yelled, his voice cracking. I heard his footsteps pounding behind me as he tried to catch up. "Rin!" he yelled again. "Please don't go, Rin. Please! Not again. What am I supposed to do without you?"

*****

Hatori got into his car and pulled away from the _onsen, _frowning. He had not been able to find Isuzu anywhere, no matter where he looked. He drove through the open country back towards the Sohma estate where he knew Akito would be waiting anxiously for his return, not knowing where his faithful doctor had gone. Hatori's brow creased as he struggled to figure out where Isuzu had vanished to. Where else did she have left to go?

Suddenly Hatori snapped back to reality as he beheld an extraordinary sight. A black mare lay collapsed in the grassy field that stretched away from the right side of the car, eyes closed, mane and tail streaming out around her. Over her a huge black and white cow stood protectively, its sharp gray eyesfixing Hatori with a determined stare. For a moment, neither the cow nor Hatori moved, gazing into each other's eyes fixedly. Then Hatori nodded to the cow and smiled, revving the engine of his car and zooming towards the Sohma estate.

The cow watched him go, never leaving his position over the black mare, always vigilant, always watching.


End file.
